Cloud, Mountain

                    (to start with previous sections see issues #7 and #8)

Susan took a month off
in the summer started having
time during the day,
started seeing an old friend, Athena,
who never got in the track
She was Greek, from a fisherman's family
in Gloucester, Mass.,
father, grandfather, and great-grandfather
born to the sea; she was named
after her father's boat
and as unpredictable as the Atlantic Ocean
which often took men's lives
in the cold choppy water
off Cape Ann.
               Athena had
followed the sea in her own
way.
          She dropped out of Amherst
with Susan and they'd
both gone to Alaska
                    but Athena
had stayed
and tied up
with Billy who had
a salmon tug.  They caught
gourmet salmon, one by one,
taken from the sea on gentle hooks,
never bruised, sold at a high profit.
They spent the winters in Indonesia
went native in thatched hut
lined with mosquito netting.

Meanwhile, the Gloucester fleet went to hell,
the fish played out, the young people gone,
no community, no hope,
only tourist buses
and not many of those.

                                       Athena's father stayed though
in an old house on Tansy Hill
where he smoked his lungs away
after his wife died of breast cancer
then Athena came back to bury him,
to sell the house,
and called Susan out of the blue.

.


That which you look at but cannot see
Is called the Invisible.
That which you listen to but cannot hear
Is called the Inaudible.
That which you know but cannot hold
Is called the Unfathomable.

None of these can be sought for,
As they blend into one.
Above, no light can make it lighter,
Beneath, no darkness can make it darker.

Unceasingly it continues
But is impossible to be defined.
Again it returns to nothingness.

Thus it is described as the Form of the Formless,
The Image of the Imageless.

.


Mike has a hair-trigger
for humiliation
and since
       he is a perfectionist
he can feel lots of places
for humiliation.
  It is difficult
for him to accept a compliment
or feel good about support or encouragement.
"Work is my mistress," he likes to say
and almost his wife too.
Now money flows
harder
  and pressure builds
he feels isolated,
worthless
and catatonic
         though he is really neither
but he will not let it show
     he touts
his achievements as usual
and signs his name
in big, bold letters
full of pride and self-involvement.
To others he shows only his accomplishments
he has a charming way
of talking to women
       that leads them down his grandiose path
they have to be strikingly good-looking
aloof and hard-to-please
then it is a challenge.


.


samsara whirlpool

raw data of color red

raw data of a person

but words from a person are harder not to judge

can the words be raw?

acceptance and awareness are in conflict

thought of "water as water"
that is, pure  -- to really taste it
but not think of it as a symbol of purity
to taste its quality
but objectively
water is neutral
as is the blue of the sky
so we do not cling to it
but neither should we not see it
not taste it

.


At home, Mike is the perfect father
when guests are in the house
but later
he is distant
and unless the kids throw the ball right
play whatever the game
is expertly
and don't act like kids
he yells instructions
then ignores them
until their next performance.
                                              Mike suffers
his ego.
               Mike suffers the suffering
of dissatisfaction.

  If the whole point is to be fully present
here, now,

    If pleasure is the fulfilling of desire,
the removal of pain,

                              how can we hope
to have pleasure without
    pain and desire?

But Mike has little real pleasure
                                                because
nothing is ever enough.

.


     So at last you settle into your prison cell.
You have had your last appeal denied.

Because of this, you open to unification, the
journey's second leg.

.

Athena said, "I like a sensual man who knows what he likes."

         Susan nodded.  She looked at
the time, she decided to take
a long lunch.

           "You know, the kind of guy,"
Athena continued,
"who really appreciates his own pleasure,
and, of course, mine too,
but not a guy who always
holds back his own enjoyment.  I like a man who groans in bed.
Is Mike like that?"

  Susan laughed in surprise,
"Sometimes he yells when he comes,
but we've got kids
so . . ."

              "They hear anyway, better that
they hear something that sounds like fun
instead just a squeaking bed.  I can't believe
you're a nurse.  I mean, it suits you.
You're so sympatico.
What are doctors like?   I'd have thought
you marry one.
                         What, are they all up-tight,
logical, control freaks, who can't let go?"

"No, some of them are very nice."

"Which ones," Athena asked, "the gynecologists?
     Listen, do you know any
interesting men in this town?"

"So, you're staying awhile?"

         "How long do you have
to stay for a quickie?"Athena chuckled, then
studied Susan.  "You look tired.  Why don't
take a mini-vacation,
come down to the ocean before
I sell the house?"

"We can't.  Mike's working weekends and. . ."

"You can bring the kids or come by yourself.
That is, if you can,
is that possible?  Or is he jealous?"

"No, it isn't that."

"You haven't had any time off, "
Athena persisted, "by yourself,
for years, I bet."

   "You're right
about that.
                  The kids can't come anyway,
there's a big soccer tournament this month,
both their teams
        are in it and I . . ."

"Don't tell me you have to stay for that.
Come on, time's a-wastin'
           you'll probably
never see me again
  if I go back to Alaska."



(to be continued)