Joanna Sondheim

JOANNA

  

Earlier tonight I slid down the tangled sleeves of her hair and fell to the pillow without making a sound. I am photographed in black and white this evening, shadows and light. skin that only hints at the definition of features once on the floor I roll in the warmth of dust and wood I can travel with the comfort of someone's voice yelling fuck off in the alleyway and the cat that skitters and pretends to fly outside of the door, even JOANNA'S occasional movement, the small scratch of her hand against her cheek, the subtle pop of a sticky nighttime mouth opening and closing again, this is safety to me I want to be without this net, this cushion of down to land in with all of the grace of a spider, graceless is what I want, a spitting version of me, without soft vision and the stream of car lights blushing against the wall, this would be my life inside the engine, JOANNA silenced for once, no sound, lack of enunciation mistaking words for sex I breath against the slat covered glass of the window, make imprints in the breath with my fingers, proof I exist, she will never see JOANNA twists her body against the glare of her lamp left on in a moment of late night paranoia, sometimes she curls like the leaves of a plant and I yearn to pat dark soil around her edges, but tonight she is curled like twine, coarse and thick, her thumbs squeezed tightly inside her fingers, one foot arched, the other flexed, a confusion of intent I leave the window and crawl to her ankle avoiding the direction of the toes that seem to be aiming at something on the opposite wall, pull softly on the little hairs and begin to hoist myself up to the calf my legs attach themselves to skin like branches, I pause and let small fingers glide over my thigh, smooth as soap, muscles that exhibit a momentary glance of underskin and I believe in cells, something multiplies, I pull harder and reach the knee.

JOANNA'S leg moves, knee up, and I slide to the belly, a wave of air pushes into her mouth and lungs, circles the organs and exits, I rise at the exit and slide to enter the smooth warmth of the bellybutton, curl up and remain, trapped, hands push at warm skin... futile.